SHADOWS

I will always envy that girl who has her guy tucking her hair behind her ears. That girl who has her hands held in a crowded place. That girl who has her smile on her face all day. That girl who has her lips kissed when she’s sad. That lucky girl who often hear i love yous and i miss yous. That girl who is always appreciated and loved. That girl who knows how it feels to be surprised by the one. I want to be that girl..

Sometimes I wonder if you still think about me. About what we had, and I also wonder if you miss that, if you miss me. Because I still think about you and I think I always will.

Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.

I was 18 when I wrote that,” she reminds me. “That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realise no one takes someone from you if they don’t want to leave.

Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? …I always wonder about that. If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone love me?

And now we’re supposed to go back to our normal lives. That’s what people do. They have these amazing experiences with another person, and then they just go home and clean the bathroom or whatever.

You wonder what I am doing? Well, so do I, in truth. Days seem to dawn, suns to shine, evenings to follow, and then I sleep. What I have done, what I am doing, what I am going to do, puzzle and bewilder me. Have you ever been a leaf and fallen from your tree in autumn and been really puzzled about it? That’s the feeling.

If you let people into your life a little bit, they can be pretty damn amazing.